I used to, and I think at times I might even have enjoyed it. S from Tinder is smiley and chatty with faultless social skills. Wine with M from Lovestruck – the first date I’ve really enjoyed, and the first woman I found attractive just by looking at her photo.But after one romantic disaster too many, I reviewed my dating history and concluded there was something wrong either with a) every girl I’d ever dated or b) me. R from Lovestruck is Japanese – lovely, totally incomprehensible. When she was a baby she was kissed by Marshal Tito. She’s Italian, sort of like a sexless Sophia Loren. The algorithms that sites such as Lovestruck use to match people seem somewhat redundant post-Tinder, where appearance is everything. After a couple of false starts, I unwittingly use a blinding opener to attract C: “Nice bracelet.” This half-arsed hello is, remarkably, golden.“I asked my friend to describe me, and here’s what he wrote…” is a cop-out.
Whether it's a no-strings-attached rendezvous, casual dating or a serious relationship, pick one and create your profile with that in mind.
But, once you’ve decided which site is right for you –if you’re here perhaps you’re planning on signing up for e Harmony’s service – you might be at a loss as what to do next. Here’s our top internet dating advice for beginners.
First, the bad news: internet dating is not a quick fix.
There’s been a revolution in sexual practices that passed me by (have you seen Tinder? I’m a dinosaur – a missionary man in a reverse-cowgirl world. Inane openers do break the ice, but stop you from reaching anything deeper. I crave male company so go home and watch Expendables II. I discover that coffee dates can work when you’re not in the office headspace. I tell her I was running late and had to elbow a granny out of the way to get off the train. The scatter-gun concept works: by the time I meet my fourth woman, the jitters that can ruin a more conventional date are gone.
I meet a former colleague, C, who I’ve been lusting after for years. It’s a pretty good pie, too, but she doesn’t go over.