I’d met white men who wanted to demean and defile me, white men who wanted to dominate or be dominated by me, and white men who just wanted to check a Black woman off their sexual bucket list.Not to mention the ones who thought that being with me somehow made them “edgy” or proved they weren’t racist.
I knew there’d be a conversation about Black on Black crime. Kevin entered my life at a particularly vulnerable point. He’d been sick for over a decade with cancer and I spent that entire time blocking out everyone. Dear Irishman, the next time you set your green eyes on me, remember this: There’s more to me than my colour. There’s more to me than the body that you have unjustly exotified because you refuse to look at what I can offer you intellectually. ‘Men will talk to me and say they think I’m beautiful and sexy, but it’s almost always because of my race. I wasn’t brought to this world to explore your sexual curiosity and I do not exist to fulfil your sexual needs. ‘Over the last few months, since I downloaded Plenty of Fish, Tinder and OK Cupid, I’ve been experiencing this kind of attitude.By the time I was 30, after years of never sleeping with anyone for more than two months, much less actually dating them, I’d revised my prediction from three to zero. He stated up front that he wanted to get to know me better and asked me on a date.I’m not religious; I didn’t want kids; and I sure as hell didn’t want someone in my home that felt like they had any control over my decisions. In a society where people are “hanging out” and “chilling” and “hooking up” — meaning anything from a light kissing session to a night of full-blown sex — being direct was important..My hope is that my friends let me play romantic roulette with their love lives because they think my job affords me some top-secret dating intel.