Dating jokes that are clean

In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods.

We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope.

'Darling,' says Barry to his wife, Sarah, 'I invited a friend home for supper.' 'What? ' Sarah splutters, 'The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't much feel like cooking a fancy meal.' 'I know all that,' murmurs Barry. Rupert and Elaine, young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, Molly replies, 'Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.' While enjoying a lunchtime pint in a Newcastle pub in the Scotswood Road, four elderly Geordies* were discussing everything from football, the economy, to the weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their wives. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don't go out.

When they got back, Elaine immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest? One bloke turned to the guy on his right and asked, 'Eh, Alan, aren't you and your lass celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon? 'Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate, man? Alan pondered this for a moment, then replied, 'For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Hazel to Sunderland. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.' The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, 'I understand.

'Lummee, George,' explains Tony, 'this is the 21st century we live in, mate.

'God', inquires Adam, 'Why did you make Eve so beautiful? Diana, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Mike and Pauline were relating their holiday experiences to a friend.

''So you would love her.' Said God 'But why did you make her so dumb? 'It sounds as if you had a great time in Nevada,' the friend observed.

' 'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert started using the most ghastly language... Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her back.' *Geordie - is a regional nickname for a person from the Tyneside [NE] region of England, or the name of the dialect of English spoken by these people. You need a television.' What more can Will and Guy say!

Jack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his father, 'Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.' His father explains, 'For that Jack, you have to have a boy and a girl.' So Jack answers, 'I've already found a girl.' 'Who? If all else fails, asking for help will get you a laugh and buy you time.

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